Why do people lie? 1) Because they’re insecure and 2) Because they know that if they tell the truth, they won’t even get the date. If you’re a 5’5” guy and 80% of short women won’t even go out with you, you say you’re 5’8” and hope your charm overcomes the lie. It doesn’t, but you hope it does.
If you’re a 175 lb woman, you may call yourself “firm and toned”. Yes, “a few extra pounds” or even “large” would be a bit more accurate, but you stick with your description because most guys won’t respond to the truth. When you meet, you try to ignore that disappointed look he gives you, because you’re at least getting your fair shot, right?
And who can blame a young-at-heart 61 year old man or a youthful 44 year old woman for tweaking the truth a tad? They know that due to circumstances beyond their control, they’re off a lot of people’s radars. So they fib a little – or a lot – to remain visible to other online daters out there.
By the very nature of this medium – single people corresponding by computer prior to meeting – a decent percentage of them will not be fully forthcoming. It makes sense. What percentage of us are insecure? What percentage of us fail to meet the criteria on others’ mental checklists? What percentage of us are smart enough to know that an honest 63 year old overweight woman does not meet most men’s checklists, which is exactly why she posts that picture from six years and thirty pounds ago? But since we can’t stop liars, here are a few precautions you can take in attempts to avoid them:
1) Ask for more pictures. I don’t know how many times I have to see headshots that look like Natalie Portman, only to discover that she’s Natalie Portly in real life, but I’ve learned my lesson. If I can send extra photos of me taken within the last year, then there’s no excuse for someone else not to have them as well.
2) Consider the quality of the photos. Film and clothing looks different than it did ten years ago. Different hairstyles, different fashions, different color palette. If a picture looks dated, the person may very well be hiding something.
3) Consider the composition of the photos. Really close up picture and no other supporting photos? Someone’s not happy with his/her body. Only see someone from the chest up? Same thing. Wearing all black, buried behind friends, or obstructed by a large fern? That person is hiding, with good reason.
4) Think logically. You never want to stress the physical, either on your profile or on the phone, but if something doesn’t add up, make a note of it. A guy who calls himself “ripped” but doesn’t do anything athletic is not telling you the truth. Same with the woman who claims she’s 39 but has two grandkids.
If someone deceives you with a photo, be a class act by not only being gracious, but by not lying yourself. By telling the truth, you’ve done all that anybody can possibly do to clean up the whole online dating scene.
